9.24.02 3:55 PM

SANTANA'S, WITH ENOUGH BRICKS TO BUILD A...WELL, A TACO SHOP.

Pic O' The Day: I ordered a few CDs from Deep Elm Records and got this snazzy sticker and a badass army soldier. He's about to huck a grenade with his right hand, with his left occupied with what I believe is a caulking gun. I'm still working on the reasons why he's holding a caulking gun, but I've never served so I'll probably fall short in my exploration. Okay, just checked the base of the army man, and it says "C H I N A" on there, so that definitely explains it. Folks, I have bad news...the Chinese are going to weatherseal us to death. Say your prayers, wave goodbye to your loved ones. This is the end.

Local News: So, this is pretty much what I didn't talk about last time that I eventually wanted to get to. As I noted a while back, pops' 2001 Chevy Tahoe was stolen from his work. He's since got it back, but since then he's become David Horowitz. He invested in this small (re: one guy) company, and he's going to sell alarms to people or some shit like that. Don't get me wrong, I like the way the alarm works, although some naysayers say it's "too much of a hassle" for a regular alarm, and it only stops the car from being started, not broken into. When I say 'naysayers' I mean Andrew. So, anyway, the alarm's not the problem, with a good salesperson it would sell, dare I say, like hotcakes. But just like I'm not gonna get hired by 24-Hr. Fitness as a personal trainer, my dad's not the guy to sell alarms. He's not a direct salesman, he's not good at selling products cold to people. Within his actual job (by 'actual' I mean the one he actually gets PAID for, ya know, that one which sends him checks in the mail every few weeks), he deals with companies already in the same industry as him...he's not going "so Mrs. Evans, can I interest you in this DC-7 fuselage bisector rivet gun? How about 24 of them? I can have them shipped out from Seattle this afternoon, whaddya say?" So, in a bag there sits about 20 of these alarms, I guess he and Sharon (his girlfriend, who also invested in this with him) are gonna set up a website or something to sell these. The full on push to sell hasn't actually begun yet, so I can't deem it a complete and utter failure yet. This just reeks of 'pyramid scheme 2002' to me though. And not the really profitable, 'beneficial to everyone' kind of pyramid scheme. I mean, the bad ones.

More Local News: I recently experienced a major disappointment in my daily routine. No, not the computer virus that crippled my computer and will result in me having to re-rip 200 cds onto the hard drive, more on that later. I mean, the dramatic, extreme, borderline absoludicrous price increase at Santana's. My usual meal went from $5.60 to $7.00. That means I'm going to have to find another "usual meal" at another restaurant, and I if you realized how much I enjoyed that meal you'd know what anguish this price hike is putting me through. I suppose I can call it the "Weezer Maneuver" (Thanks RP). That's when a perfectly good thing is happening, 'synergy' if I dare call it, between the consumer and the producer, then for no good reason the producer has to stray from the joint path of happiness and delight, disappointing and angering the consumer. They get excellent business, it's not like they're struggling. They're between a Circle K (7/11 type place, dunno how nation/worldwide Circle Ks are) and a small business complex, across the street from a gas station, a gun mart, an auto yard, and a stone's throw away from TWO mobile home parks. This isn't Park Ave. here. More like Gas 'n' Park Ave. They have an inside sitdown area, maybe 8 tables, nothing gigantic, and a drive-thru. The sitdown part closes around 11pm-12am, and the drive-thru is 24/7. After about 11pm pretty much every night of the week, there's almost always at least two cars in the drive-thru line. Good drive-thru Mexican food at any hour of the day is an alcoholic's fantasyland. I love to go there late at night, and roll down my window so I can hear the people in front of me order, you always get the driver taking orders from 6 other people in the car, and of course they want to customize their order 3 different ways a piece. However, Santana's knows a drunk person would eat a traffic cone if it was in a burrito and covered in a red sauce. That said, Santana's routinely bricks my orders, and these are things right off the menu, no audibles being called at the window or anything. If that's not a testament to how good their food is, that I will continually return, as if I assume the role of a culinary sadomasochist for a short trip to the drive-thru, I don't know what is. The drunks get home, see they have a pork taco instead of the carne asada taco they ordered, the shoulders shrug, and they dig in. If they lost business because of a lower correct order percentage than UPS, it sure didn't show in the lines of cars and people inside. The other possibility is that they're shrewd businessmen (I'd say 'businesspeople,' but c'mon, who are we kidding here?), and realized they could jack up the price of their marquee item $.75 and still sell just as many. Well, that $.75 probably sealed the deal for me. It's good, but when you brick orders, and still raise prices, you know what that is. As they would say, Cajones. Big hairy Cajones.

Technology News: Don't mean to get all Screen Savers on ya (unless your name is Morgan), but as I mentioned above my computer got a little sick two weeks ago, and wasn't playing well with others. I opened up trusty Outlook Express, and saw an "undeliverable mail; host unknown" mail. I've been emailing people a lot recently regarding bootleg trades, and I just assumed I'd typed an address wrong or sent mail to an outdated email. I clicked on the header, and my computer seemed to make that processing noise you all recognize your computer makes. There was nothing in the body, and instantly I had that feeling I'd been hoodwinked by a ne'er-do-well, I'd been thrown the ol' 1-2, been caught with my pants down, pissing in the wind, et cetera. After deleting 200 cds (needed to save what was on the C before reformatting, moved it to the D, but needed space, so the stuff I had hard copies of went to the Recycle bin Laden), then getting cold feet about the whole reformatting bit, I ended up running my system at a less unstable clip than an '82 Dodge Aries for a few days while I came up with a solution. I eventually found a program that deleted the sonofabitch, and I'm left with the fun task of reripping a binder full of albums. I words can't describe how thrilled I am to have to do that. It puts a gigantic smile on my face.

Home & Garden News: Pops actually has grass growing on the whole front lawn now. I doubted his powers. Go pops.

Sports News: Hey. Take a deep breath. Smell that? No, sorry, not that...I'm really sorry. Yeah, that...smell it? It *kinda* smells like...yep...PLAYOFFS! Chargers are 3-0, and this pundit thinks this team really has a shot to make some strides! They're a rag-tag bunch of youngsters, but they have a big heart and a coach looking for one more big run. I'm getting in line for my post-season tickets tomorrow morning, hopefully I'm not too far back in line! Wish me luck!

Well then. With school beginning soon, and me actually attending (I'll give you a moment to get back up on your chair), I'll have more frequent updates, if for no other reason than I stay sharper when I write on here.

-b!

Now Playing: Pearl Jam - Get Right

Quote Of The Day:
(Jeff Dusek, lead prosecutor on the David Westerfield case, responding to a reporter's question about the amount of time put into the case. I don't think he meant it to come out like it did.)
"Well, let's just say I've been seeing more of my partner these past six months than my wife."

9.2.02 10:50 PM

It feels like 89' Its been a long time. So I have been working long and hard these last few weeks up at the company experiencing many a chair jacking (when one places his foot upon the reclining leaver on another's chair forcing that individual into a sudden and surprising backwards music. the greatest chair jacking happens when the individual is balanced in a way that causes the chair to fall over when the jacking occurs.)  and the much anticipated but highly disappointing Twinkie Eating contest. when I am not doing that I am usually here holding down the fort sleeping or at Cafe Crema chillin' with the crew.

I am sure that some of you people have tuned in to the pile of crap that was the MTV Video Music Awards. anyway I heard great things about Jimmy Fallon's little montage at the beginning of the show. Well Jimmy didn't disappoint.  anyway MTV decided to jump right into the lifetime achievement award also known as the award most people get up to go to the bathroom during. Anyway at this point Britney Spears walks on stage looking like something out of a biker shop.  anyway she introduces Michael Jackson as the winner of the award. At this point General Jackson (why does he always dress in this crazy quasi military garb? I mean with that giant broach on his right shoulder and the chains connecting it to smaller ornaments. So the king of pop gets up there and starts thanking all these typical people. God gets his, then I think some producer gets his, the all of a sudden he thanks David Blaine (a crappy illusionist) and says ''Your magic is real and I believe in you.'' then without missing a beat he thanks his fans, I think he left out Tommy Mottola. anyway my question is, why the hell did he thank David Blaine? why would the king of pop need to give ups to this guy whose job it is to fool people. well after saying that I realized 95 percent of Michael Jackson's body is fake. So I guess they are in some way the same. either way it was the most stupefying thing I have heard this week. 

So, Brad gave a good recap of the Less Than Jake concert, but ill add some stuff to that.  The trek started around 1pm on my birthday, brad rolls up in his Contour. we hop in and go to wash the windshield and grab some Jack In The Box, Brad got screwed out of Fries by the crappy service of the Drive-thru. anyway we were off to Pomona and the traffic sucked for the first half of the trip. eventually it thinned out and we made good time to Pomona. arriving 3 hours early has its advantages and disadvantages. the advantage is you are near the front of the line, however this means you have to stand next to a bunch of groupies. usually I can deal with this because I am a fan of the band. these groupies however were not Less Than Jake Groupies. They were Yellowcard and Sugarcult groupies. anyway they spent the whole 3 hours just fantasizing about the band and trying to talk to them. anyway they were hanging out with this girl whose mom decided to hang out in line for a while. So the mother was super stoked on this groupie life that these two teens were living. since when did parents start going to shows? it should be against the law. anyway we got Rail for the show and it was a great one. we got some new songs from them and had a all around good time. next was the best show I have ever seen, Less Than Jake at the scene in san Diego. Brad saved me a spot in the front of the line, I was unofficially the first one in (because it matters, really). anyway the opening bands were the same. however we convinced Sugarcult to play I wanna be sedated. luckily I survived an attempt by the yellowcards violin player to strangle me with the mic chord. After that I guess he wanted me to feel better so a song later he hold the mic up to my mouth to sing along and what does he get? dead silence from me. that's what he gets for strangling me with his mic chord. that ass. so now its time for the main event. Less Than Jake takes the stage and rocks the hell out of the place. Brad and I are on the rail and we have a great view of the action. Brad gained a pick for helping Roger with some lyrics. a guy we know from a message board got called up on stage to sing along with the band. a good time was had by all. We tried unsuccessfully to get Awkward Age played but apparently like Last Train they don't remember how to play it. Chris:" dude, we wrote that like, 10 years ago." Oh well, maybe they will practice for next tour.

Now for a segment I like to call Rapid Fire.

Movies with commercials suck, can't they just drop corporate logos in the corner of the screen? I would watch that.

The Internet sucks, pass it on.

I was on a yahoo site tonight and a popup crashed my computer. what's with that?

Nirvana's first album Bleach was by far their best studio album, and that was before adding rock star extraordinaire Dave Grohl to the lineup.

School started for the kids, My Buddy List  has doubled.

For my money no band writes lyrics as good as Less Than Jake, they are from Florida but don't hold it against them.

My moms birthday is this week, Big ups to her.

Iron Maiden and the Scorpions tied each other in a game of soccer in Texas in 1981, now that's something.

The heat must be bringing out the bugs man, I got bit by one right now.

dre dub on the tre dub, don't ask, but I know in a few weeks you'll be saying it to everyone.

-Andrew

8.29.02 6:37 AM

WONDER HOW OFTEN IT COMES OUT AS YAHOO~ OR YAHOO@.

Pic O' The Day: Two picks. One, Roger from Less Than Jake's pick, which he gave me after I mouthed him the words to "Just Like Frank." They normally don't play the song, they were off on the lyrics, and Roger started watching me to get the right words. Vedder should really think about using that move. The second pick was from Sugarcult's guitarist, he kinda just threw it out into the crowd and, for some reason, I grabbed it. Instincts, I suppose. Gotta fine tune those to account for good band/bad band. Also pictured is a ripped setlist the security guard tore off for me. I suppose it's better than nothing, but he could have actually looked at what he was doing when he pulled it off the stage. Lazy ass. Nothing's unreadable though, that's an upside. Lastly was one of four stickers I grabbed that night, total Giant-style motif, one of the best pieces of art they've done ever. Only Pearl Jam rivals their stuff.

Site News: Holy shit I'm lazy. I haven't done a full update in weeks, I've been out of the news even more than the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping. I'll do my damndest to come up strong on this one, so let's see what we got.

Local News: So, the LTJ shows were fun, met a couple cool fans, got my rock on, and that was that. The real news came early this week, when pops decided it would be a good idea to buy a computer for himself and gramps. In a strange way, I considered this punishment for not doing anything of significance with myself this summer. He figures that as long as I'm sitting around here, I might as well be available for grandpa to ask me questions about how to work the computer at 9:10 AM every day. Thankfully, I've avoided these black holes, because he's simply dumbfounded by it all. It took him a long time to figure out our old Amiga 2000 (produced circa 1985), and that was a system without the internet, a big tower beside it, and a printer. Oh, and it was also 5 years ago. After a few nights of amusing instruction, my grandfather now has an email address. That's just frightening. So, naturally, I start loading software up on there left and right, utilizing the 50 GB free on that system that I used up on mine ages ago. Hardcore pornography doesn't fit on floppy discs anymore, kids! Believe you me! Heh. Whooboy. Okay. I get on the system the very next day, and suddenly my ftp program is completely gone, the only thing left in the directory being the crack I used to "register" the program. I call up pops, who in a stunning turn of events is actually at work (more on that later), and he says to me "Sharon and I were on there last night, and found some file that said 'replace words, replace files,' so I don't know what you were putting on there, maybe one of your little sneaky files that you showed me that one time, but it brought up a virus on the system. So did the email you sent grandpa the other day, just so you know, maybe that's what we got rid of."

When I got on the computer that day, and turned on the monitor, I see Norton Overprotective Fuck Up Your System 2002 had flagged 3 emails that had the nimda virus in them. I don't know who my dad corresponds with, or who my grandpa sent an email to, but somehow in the course of 24 hours they'd managed to receive 3 infected emails, delete a perfectly safe ftp program because they thought it was a "sneaky file" (leaving the crack, however, that had an icon of a SKULL AND CROSSBONES for god's sake), and create some story about a 'replace words, replace files' program that my dad still can't more thoroughly define for me. Apparently in his world, programs just randomly download and launch themselves. Yes, in the past I ran Netbus, so of course my dad assumes I want to use it on that computer as a keylogger or something. Who friggin knows. All I'd log would be "gs," "gg," "ns," "gl," or "ty." Why?

Because my dad's addicted to Yahoo Pool. Apparently since he sucks balls at the real thing (Sharon routinely works him at the place they always go play at), he thinks he can dominate the Yahoo leagues, edging out opponents like "daisy00371" or "sn00k3rk1n6" in exciting matches that he always seems to miraculously pull out or totally blow in the last two shots. In a weird role reversal that took me back to sitting in my patented butterfly position on my blue carpet in the De Anza Mobile Home Park in 1990 (can of Coke nearby, radio positioned to Z90) playing Baseball Stars or Tecmo Bowl, my dad claimed a defeat was caused by, and I quote "you going in and out of your room, it threw me off" [waves arms beside head to indicate 'massive traffic resulting in game-blowing distraction' or something of the sort]. He's become everything I hate on the internet, the person who communicates in acronyms, with "gs" being "good shot," "gg" being "good game," then there's acronyms for "nice shot," "good luck," "thank you," and the ever-popular "wtg," of course expanding to "way to go." I got a hearty chuckle after hearing him exclaim "ha, got him!" I guess pops sent out the customary "gl" at the beginning, but to his shock was not greeted with similar exclamation from his opponent. "He hasn't said anything all game, it's rude." Apparently it didn't cross his mind that, perhaps, his opponent wasn't chain-smoking, drinking Jack & Cokes, intently focused on winning. Or maybe he just thought my dad was due for a beatdown, and wasn't ready to make small talk. Either way, it still shows some things are right in the world.

Apparently exhausted from a marathon pool session, he slept 17 hours today and didn't go into work. When I say "today," I mean August 28, not the 29th, don't get confused here...because I know you're keeping track along with me.

Okay, there was more to that, he felt like crap when he woke up, and just didn't go into work, and fearing he was coming down with something similar to what kept him in bed for almost an entire week 19 years ago decided the best way to fight it would be to rest up. He seemed okay when he eventually rose from the dead, which is a great sign, anything that ensures his ass is out of the house this Friday night. I'll stick a fuckin IV in his arm if necessary, he can mainline Nyquil, Triaminic, Robitussin, Mountain Dew, anything and everything. On a side note (and apologies to anybody who's been told this yarn before), I guess that when my dad was in bed for that week 19 years ago, I said to my mom "if daddy dies, are we going to flush him down the toilet?" Using our fish as the benchmark for post mortem proceedings, I asked what I thought was a perfectly decent question. Yet 19 years later, pops has to remind me of it. Thanks, dad. Go log on and play some pool. While I'm adding footnotes, I'll toss in that I'd like you to note I did not include the exclamation point after "Yahoo" in the above references. That's just silly, I don't care if that's their actual name or not. Seriously. I feel sorry for the people who work there, who have to do SHIFT+1 each time they type their company's name. Fortunately there's shit money in the portal business these days, and they don't have as many employees to type their name out for them as they once did.

I have 4 other things to talk about in this update. This is what happens when I get lazy, and go a month between full blown updates. Let's proceed.

Television News: I used to live, and Dre still does live, in Pacific Beach. PB generates a lot of revenue from tourists, and in turn puts part of that money back into commercials promoting local PB businesses. It's pretty unique, as they're really the only community in town that does something like that with so many different commercials featured. That is, if you don't count the "Tijuana Business and Tourism Authority" commercials that run on our FOX affiliate, which were originally made probably in the mid-80s and continue to run today, using the exact same footage. I doubt even half the buildings shown in those commercials exist any more, gotta admire their persistence in running those things. So, anywho, one of the recent PB commercials was for a jeweler called "Family Jewels," which always got me giggling. Another was for Pizzeria Uno, I think, or some place down around Mission Blvd. Now, I'll save this for Andrew, but the best one is the one for Lotsa Pasta. He'll tell you why soon enough. I thought I was seeing another one for Tamales Anciro, but it turned out it did not need the assistance of the PB business people to be ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HILARIOUS. Tamales Anciro is a tamale shop down on the east end of Garnet, and features (big duh) Tamales as the prime attraction. However, you'd think that for a Mexican restaurant, they would have an actual Mexican doing the voiceover. Sure, that logic might seem off, but I should mention that the voiceover is clearly, beyond a shadow of a doubt, a white guy trying to sound Hispanic. His pushing of the "Nuts & Raisin Tamale" sounds like "Noots eh lllllllaisin Toe-mallie," and the classic tamale sounds like "Our trah-dee-shee-nall toe-mallie." The guy might as well have thrown in "Aye Carumba!" at the end for good measure. For a taped commercial, rarely do I sit and watch as if there was a live police chase, but the intrigue level was really that high. Simply astonishing, perhaps I'll get lucky and catch it one day, and record the audio for you, my faithful readers, to hear. In other commercial news, have any of you noticed they're running the original/classic "Got Milk?" commercial again? The one with "Aaron Burr"? They're bringing back 9-year old commercials, what gives? Are they really out of ideas? Are we going to see that "Cha-ching!" ad again, featuring a very young Seth Green (aka Scott Evil)? How about ads on Nickelodeon for Floam (that foamy puddy stuff they made), or that gum candy Boomers? Why not run ads for Crystal Pepsi? Those were good. What? They don't make that anymore? That shouldn't stop them! And Trolls! Give me my Trolls commercial!!

More Television News: There's a show on Comedy Central tonight (that would be THURSDAY) at 10:30 PM called Trigger Happy TV. It's a British import starring a guy named Dom Joly, who's a less physical, and much funnier, Tom Green. In one of the previews, they show two people in a phone booth, with two standing outside it. Our view of this is from a window across the street, a few stories up. All of a sudden 3 people decked out in squirrel costumes, really nice ones at that, come running up, pull one of the guys out of the booth, lay him down on the ground, and pretend to kick and punch him. The squirrels then stop in unison, look up at the two people outside the booth, and begin to walk over to them, at which point they haul ass away, out of frame. Now, perhaps it's just me, but harmless comedy like that just tickles my funny bone to the core. So yeah, watch it tonight, it's great stuff.

Urban Planning News (?): I'm doing my patented '35 in a 25' down the main artery I drive on to get out of Clairemont, and find myself breaking at a point I never had to stop at before. Lo and behold, they've put in another goddamn stop sign on Moraga. That's two new stop signs in a 1.5 mile stretch of road in the past 6 months, it's a friggin epidemic. Granted, the amount of people who like to go 45 in this area are the primary reason for this installation, but it's really getting ridiculous. There's two types of people who drive on this road, the people who want to go 40 (me), and the people who are content not going 25 (speed limit), but who choose to play it on the safe side and go about 20. Naturally, these are the people that come to a complete stop, with 'complete' meaning 'car stops, and actually does that quick jerk backward to indicate every ounce of forward motion has been eliminated'. After sitting there for a full second (count, "one-one thousand" in your head, think about it, it's a long time!), checking off all 3 other points in the intersection about 4 times apiece, they finally continue. At 20 mph. More often than not, these are the close-to-deaths that have no business being on a public road, let alone out of the house on their own. If not for the double yellow, the random speeder, the cars parked along the street, the patrol cars that randomly camp out in the cul-de-sacs, and the massive penalty I'd incur if caught, I'd totally pass them. When someone's going 25, I might not like it, but I don't really mind since that's the limit. But when you're going 22 and you're gaining on the car ahead of you, is it wrong to lay on the ol' horn for a bit? Of course, these are the cars that go the whole length up Moraga, and never happen to turn off early onto a side street. What's a little audible encouragement to get them to bump up their speed a smidge? I'm not asking for RC Pro Am on that shit, but throw me a damn bone once in a while...I shouldn't be able to run faster than they drive. Well, not me, as I'm ridiculously out of shape, but someone else, that's good at running or something, like a runner. I might have stated this before in the last update, but I'm too lazy to check, so I'll say it again; when these stop signs are put in, they're never taken out. You never see the city coming in with paint and a jackhammer to decongest the flow of traffic in that manner. That leads me to believe that, one day, pretty much every intersection in every residential area will have a stop sign. We'll be stop and go not only in rush hour traffic, but when we get off the freeway as well. Brake, roll up, brake, roll up, break, roll up, break, look all ways 4 times, make sure all forward motion in the vehicle has ceased for one full second (one-one thousand, say it aloud, say it proud), then proceed to place yourself right on the back bumper of the car ahead of you as you do it again at the next stop sign, only 200 feet ahead. This is your future, folks. I suggest good speakers, a healthy variety of compact discs, perhaps a tasty beverage, and the ability to remain relaxed as you can be as you hit 53 stop signs in an 8-mile stretch of road. At least the children will be able to play outside though, now that you're going 12 mph down the road! Unfortunately, all the idling cars will increase the pollutants in the air, and now they'll be positioned right in our neighborhoods instead of on highways. That's just swell.

I was fully prepared to talk about two other things that I've actually wanted to go into great detail about, but I'll hold them off for today and come back strong very soon. I'd say "I promise," but really, think about who you're dealing with here.

-b!

Now Playing: The Mars Volta - Eunuch Provocateur (2002.03.03)

Quote Of The Day:
(My dad, trying to DOMINATE on Yahoo Pool. Replace pool with Tecmo Bowl, and this is me twelve years ago. That's back to back quotes from pops in the main update, congrats to him!)
Dad: He can't make this shot, he's got no angl-NO WAY. That was cheap (types "ns").

8/13/02 9:44 PM

Can you feel it? its only 6 days until Exacta and I pile in to the ride and head up to Pomona for Less Than Jake at the Glasshouse. the mood around the Moore and Raistrick camps have been for lack of a better word "Giddy." Anyway as the day gets closer there are other reasons to be giddy. the same day as the Pomona show its everyone's favorite national holiday, My Birthday. 

Birthday thoughts and ramblings. 
    As my days count down I have been pondering the question "what's so important about a Birthday and why is it special to me." now I realize this sounds like some crackpot question your fourth grade teacher may ask, well I have a lot of time during the day to think about these kind of things so that's what you get. First off the there are a few special birthdays. your birthday where you are actually born, congrats you've made it this far. next is your First Birthday, good job you have avoided crib death and various other 1st year causes of death. then there is no real big birthday until you get to 10, Double digits now you can start feeling important like a teen, but the full effect of that doesn't happen until your 13th Birthday. Although 13 is considered by most an unlucky number its when you are first a teenager, you have survived your pre-teen years. after thirteen if you stay alive long enough and make it to sixteen you can drive, go get that license. your next big birthday is only for the guys out there, 18 at this point you can and will sign up for the draft otherwise risk imprisonment and some hefty fines. ladies luck out here. then you have to wait three more years until your next notable birthday, your 21st birthday, now you are allowed to do most anything you want legally. after this party you will probably need a few years until your next big birthday. luckily it won't be for another 19 years. you won't have another birthday of note until you are 40 and your friends will throw you a lame ass over the hill party or something with a whole lot of stupid decorations. at this point you should realizes that they parties aren't going to get much better than the ones when you were young. if you can hold on, and most of us live in first world nations so I assume you can, your next big day is going to be your 65th. you are now a senior citizen, congrats you may drive slow and throw on your blinker blocks in advance. being a senior also will get you those nice discounts at the movies and early bird specials at some buffet place. now this next one is going to be a toughie. at this point you are going to have to make it 35 years. That's right you are going to have Willard Scott reading your name on the Today Show if you can hold on and live a century. the big 100. good luck.

    Now, As I continue to age I see things changing all around me. for instance, I think its safe to say over the last few years I have outgrown the "SCENE." you know the music scene. I no longer feel comfortable at shows, to many kids with their wild and crazy t-shirt slogans. How can I feel comfortable standing next to a high schooler who is wearing a shirt that has a pot leaf on it. I mean really I am standing there embarrassed for the kid, his parents and his generation. This ambassador sums up what is wrong in America. and at this point of the rant I would like to point out that yes indeed I realize that I am now that old guy who doesn't understand kids. anyway as I age I try to remember and keep in mind my rambunctious youth of going to bed early and not really going out places. The only real thing I did that was in the slightest way rebellious was go to concerts and even I am saying "Comeon Buddy...." to that.  So perhaps my lack of sympathy and understanding of these crazy youths is a bit skewed. 

    Sometimes a show comes around that just makes you realize how much better you are than a majority of people.  Exacta mentioned a show that we can all feel superior when watching. the show that I am currently talking about is none other than MTV's Sorority Life.  This has to be one of the funniest shows on television, the problem is the humor I get out of this show is not the humor that was intended by MTV.  As I type this Sorority pledge just got dumped by her boyfriend and she is crying. now after seeing the way that these specimens act when given certain tasks it is difficult to feel bad for them at all. for example the was one episode where one was required to be a designated driver for the night. well what does she do. she sits and stares at a book for 3 minutes then has a pity party with her other pledges because she cant drink that night. so what happens? (everybody say it with me) they crack open the vodka. after she has some in her what happens she gets a call that she needs to pick up one of the drunk pledges. so what does she do, she lies her way out of her obligation.  They won't show any of the secret stuff that goes on in the sorority. so when they shut the door. from what I gather I assume that what happens is a giant lesbian sorority love fest, but because MTV couldn't get the cameras in I cant confirm the  suspicion. oh yeah, and they are always on cell phones.

I got the new Sparta Album today, (actually Brad picked it up from target for me while I was working like a sucka.) It rocks, pick it up champ.

The Rugby Bunch old navy commercial needs to stop, now.

Pimps up.

-Andrew

8.29.02 6:37 AM

WONDER HOW OFTEN IT COMES OUT AS YAHOO~ OR YAHOO@.

Pic O' The Day: Two picks. One, Roger from Less Than Jake's pick, which he gave me after I mouthed him the words to "Just Like Frank." They normally don't play the song, they were off on the lyrics, and Roger started watching me to get the right words. Vedder should really think about using that move. The second pick was from Sugarcult's guitarist, he kinda just threw it out into the crowd and, for some reason, I grabbed it. Instincts, I suppose. Gotta fine tune those to account for good band/bad band. Also pictured is a ripped setlist the security guard tore off for me. I suppose it's better than nothing, but he could have actually looked at what he was doing when he pulled it off the stage. Lazy ass. Nothing's unreadable though, that's an upside. Lastly was one of four stickers I grabbed that night, total Giant-style motif, one of the best pieces of art they've done ever. Only Pearl Jam rivals their stuff.

Site News: Holy shit I'm lazy. I haven't done a full update in weeks, I've been out of the news even more than the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping. I'll do my damndest to come up strong on this one, so let's see what we got.

Local News: So, the LTJ shows were fun, met a couple cool fans, got my rock on, and that was that. The real news came early this week, when pops decided it would be a good idea to buy a computer for himself and gramps. In a strange way, I considered this punishment for not doing anything of significance with myself this summer. He figures that as long as I'm sitting around here, I might as well be available for grandpa to ask me questions about how to work the computer at 9:10 AM every day. Thankfully, I've avoided these black holes, because he's simply dumbfounded by it all. It took him a long time to figure out our old Amiga 2000 (produced circa 1985), and that was a system without the internet, a big tower beside it, and a printer. Oh, and it was also 5 years ago. After a few nights of amusing instruction, my grandfather now has an email address. That's just frightening. So, naturally, I start loading software up on there left and right, utilizing the 50 GB free on that system that I used up on mine ages ago. Hardcore pornography doesn't fit on floppy discs anymore, kids! Believe you me! Heh. Whooboy. Okay. I get on the system the very next day, and suddenly my ftp program is completely gone, the only thing left in the directory being the crack I used to "register" the program. I call up pops, who in a stunning turn of events is actually at work (more on that later), and he says to me "Sharon and I were on there last night, and found some file that said 'replace words, replace files,' so I don't know what you were putting on there, maybe one of your little sneaky files that you showed me that one time, but it brought up a virus on the system. So did the email you sent grandpa the other day, just so you know, maybe that's what we got rid of."

When I got on the computer that day, and turned on the monitor, I see Norton Overprotective Fuck Up Your System 2002 had flagged 3 emails that had the nimda virus in them. I don't know who my dad corresponds with, or who my grandpa sent an email to, but somehow in the course of 24 hours they'd managed to receive 3 infected emails, delete a perfectly safe ftp program because they thought it was a "sneaky file" (leaving the crack, however, that had an icon of a SKULL AND CROSSBONES for god's sake), and create some story about a 'replace words, replace files' program that my dad still can't more thoroughly define for me. Apparently in his world, programs just randomly download and launch themselves. Yes, in the past I ran Netbus, so of course my dad assumes I want to use it on that computer as a keylogger or something. Who friggin knows. All I'd log would be "gs," "gg," "ns," "gl," or "ty." Why?

Because my dad's addicted to Yahoo Pool. Apparently since he sucks balls at the real thing (Sharon routinely works him at the place they always go play at), he thinks he can dominate the Yahoo leagues, edging out opponents like "daisy00371" or "sn00k3rk1n6" in exciting matches that he always seems to miraculously pull out or totally blow in the last two shots. In a weird role reversal that took me back to sitting in my patented butterfly position on my blue carpet in the De Anza Mobile Home Park in 1990 (can of Coke nearby, radio positioned to Z90) playing Baseball Stars or Tecmo Bowl, my dad claimed a defeat was caused by, and I quote "you going in and out of your room, it threw me off" [waves arms beside head to indicate 'massive traffic resulting in game-blowing distraction' or something of the sort]. He's become everything I hate on the internet, the person who communicates in acronyms, with "gs" being "good shot," "gg" being "good game," then there's acronyms for "nice shot," "good luck," "thank you," and the ever-popular "wtg," of course expanding to "way to go." I got a hearty chuckle after hearing him exclaim "ha, got him!" I guess pops sent out the customary "gl" at the beginning, but to his shock was not greeted with similar exclamation from his opponent. "He hasn't said anything all game, it's rude." Apparently it didn't cross his mind that, perhaps, his opponent wasn't chain-smoking, drinking Jack & Cokes, intently focused on winning. Or maybe he just thought my dad was due for a beatdown, and wasn't ready to make small talk. Either way, it still shows some things are right in the world.

Apparently exhausted from a marathon pool session, he slept 17 hours today and didn't go into work. When I say "today," I mean August 28, not the 29th, don't get confused here...because I know you're keeping track along with me.

Okay, there was more to that, he felt like crap when he woke up, and just didn't go into work, and fearing he was coming down with something similar to what kept him in bed for almost an entire week 19 years ago decided the best way to fight it would be to rest up. He seemed okay when he eventually rose from the dead, which is a great sign, anything that ensures his ass is out of the house this Friday night. I'll stick a fuckin IV in his arm if necessary, he can mainline Nyquil, Triaminic, Robitussin, Mountain Dew, anything and everything. On a side note (and apologies to anybody who's been told this yarn before), I guess that when my dad was in bed for that week 19 years ago, I said to my mom "if daddy dies, are we going to flush him down the toilet?" Using our fish as the benchmark for post mortem proceedings, I asked what I thought was a perfectly decent question. Yet 19 years later, pops has to remind me of it. Thanks, dad. Go log on and play some pool. While I'm adding footnotes, I'll toss in that I'd like you to note I did not include the exclamation point after "Yahoo" in the above references. That's just silly, I don't care if that's their actual name or not. Seriously. I feel sorry for the people who work there, who have to do SHIFT+1 each time they type their company's name. Fortunately there's shit money in the portal business these days, and they don't have as many employees to type their name out for them as they once did.

I have 4 other things to talk about in this update. This is what happens when I get lazy, and go a month between full blown updates. Let's proceed.

Television News: I used to live, and Dre still does live, in Pacific Beach. PB generates a lot of revenue from tourists, and in turn puts part of that money back into commercials promoting local PB businesses. It's pretty unique, as they're really the only community in town that does something like that with so many different commercials featured. That is, if you don't count the "Tijuana Business and Tourism Authority" commercials that run on our FOX affiliate, which were originally made probably in the mid-80s and continue to run today, using the exact same footage. I doubt even half the buildings shown in those commercials exist any more, gotta admire their persistence in running those things. So, anywho, one of the recent PB commercials was for a jeweler called "Family Jewels," which always got me giggling. Another was for Pizzeria Uno, I think, or some place down around Mission Blvd. Now, I'll save this for Andrew, but the best one is the one for Lotsa Pasta. He'll tell you why soon enough. I thought I was seeing another one for Tamales Anciro, but it turned out it did not need the assistance of the PB business people to be ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HILARIOUS. Tamales Anciro is a tamale shop down on the east end of Garnet, and features (big duh) Tamales as the prime attraction. However, you'd think that for a Mexican restaurant, they would have an actual Mexican doing the voiceover. Sure, that logic might seem off, but I should mention that the voiceover is clearly, beyond a shadow of a doubt, a white guy trying to sound Hispanic. His pushing of the "Nuts & Raisin Tamale" sounds like "Noots eh lllllllaisin Toe-mallie," and the classic tamale sounds like "Our trah-dee-shee-nall toe-mallie." The guy might as well have thrown in "Aye Carumba!" at the end for good measure. For a taped commercial, rarely do I sit and watch as if there was a live police chase, but the intrigue level was really that high. Simply astonishing, perhaps I'll get lucky and catch it one day, and record the audio for you, my faithful readers, to hear. In other commercial news, have any of you noticed they're running the original/classic "Got Milk?" commercial again? The one with "Aaron Burr"? They're bringing back 9-year old commercials, what gives? Are they really out of ideas? Are we going to see that "Cha-ching!" ad again, featuring a very young Seth Green (aka Scott Evil)? How about ads on Nickelodeon for Floam (that foamy puddy stuff they made), or that gum candy Boomers? Why not run ads for Crystal Pepsi? Those were good. What? They don't make that anymore? That shouldn't stop them! And Trolls! Give me my Trolls commercial!!

More Television News: There's a show on Comedy Central tonight (that would be THURSDAY) at 10:30 PM called Trigger Happy TV. It's a British import starring a guy named Dom Joly, who's a less physical, and much funnier, Tom Green. In one of the previews, they show two people in a phone booth, with two standing outside it. Our view of this is from a window across the street, a few stories up. All of a sudden 3 people decked out in squirrel costumes, really nice ones at that, come running up, pull one of the guys out of the booth, lay him down on the ground, and pretend to kick and punch him. The squirrels then stop in unison, look up at the two people outside the booth, and begin to walk over to them, at which point they haul ass away, out of frame. Now, perhaps it's just me, but harmless comedy like that just tickles my funny bone to the core. So yeah, watch it tonight, it's great stuff.

Urban Planning News (?): I'm doing my patented '35 in a 25' down the main artery I drive on to get out of Clairemont, and find myself breaking at a point I never had to stop at before. Lo and behold, they've put in another goddamn stop sign on Moraga. That's two new stop signs in a 1.5 mile stretch of road in the past 6 months, it's a friggin epidemic. Granted, the amount of people who like to go 45 in this area are the primary reason for this installation, but it's really getting ridiculous. There's two types of people who drive on this road, the people who want to go 40 (me), and the people who are content not going 25 (speed limit), but who choose to play it on the safe side and go about 20. Naturally, these are the people that come to a complete stop, with 'complete' meaning 'car stops, and actually does that quick jerk backward to indicate every ounce of forward motion has been eliminated'. After sitting there for a full second (count, "one-one thousand" in your head, think about it, it's a long time!), checking off all 3 other points in the intersection about 4 times apiece, they finally continue. At 20 mph. More often than not, these are the close-to-deaths that have no business being on a public road, let alone out of the house on their own. If not for the double yellow, the random speeder, the cars parked along the street, the patrol cars that randomly camp out in the cul-de-sacs, and the massive penalty I'd incur if caught, I'd totally pass them. When someone's going 25, I might not like it, but I don't really mind since that's the limit. But when you're going 22 and you're gaining on the car ahead of you, is it wrong to lay on the ol' horn for a bit? Of course, these are the cars that go the whole length up Moraga, and never happen to turn off early onto a side street. What's a little audible encouragement to get them to bump up their speed a smidge? I'm not asking for RC Pro Am on that shit, but throw me a damn bone once in a while...I shouldn't be able to run faster than they drive. Well, not me, as I'm ridiculously out of shape, but someone else, that's good at running or something, like a runner. I might have stated this before in the last update, but I'm too lazy to check, so I'll say it again; when these stop signs are put in, they're never taken out. You never see the city coming in with paint and a jackhammer to decongest the flow of traffic in that manner. That leads me to believe that, one day, pretty much every intersection in every residential area will have a stop sign. We'll be stop and go not only in rush hour traffic, but when we get off the freeway as well. Brake, roll up, brake, roll up, break, roll up, break, look all ways 4 times, make sure all forward motion in the vehicle has ceased for one full second (one-one thousand, say it aloud, say it proud), then proceed to place yourself right on the back bumper of the car ahead of you as you do it again at the next stop sign, only 200 feet ahead. This is your future, folks. I suggest good speakers, a healthy variety of compact discs, perhaps a tasty beverage, and the ability to remain relaxed as you can be as you hit 53 stop signs in an 8-mile stretch of road. At least the children will be able to play outside though, now that you're going 12 mph down the road! Unfortunately, all the idling cars will increase the pollutants in the air, and now they'll be positioned right in our neighborhoods instead of on highways. That's just swell.

I was fully prepared to talk about two other things that I've actually wanted to go into great detail about, but I'll hold them off for today and come back strong very soon. I'd say "I promise," but really, think about who you're dealing with here.

-b!

Now Playing: The Mars Volta - Eunuch Provocateur (2002.03.03)

Quote Of The Day:
(My dad, trying to DOMINATE on Yahoo Pool. Replace pool with Tecmo Bowl, and this is me twelve years ago. That's back to back quotes from pops in the main update, congrats to him!)
Dad: He can't make this shot, he's got no angl-NO WAY. That was cheap (types "ns").

8/13/02 9:44 PM

Can you feel it? its only 6 days until Exacta and I pile in to the ride and head up to Pomona for Less Than Jake at the Glasshouse. the mood around the Moore and Raistrick camps have been for lack of a better word "Giddy." Anyway as the day gets closer there are other reasons to be giddy. the same day as the Pomona show its everyone's favorite national holiday, My Birthday. 

Birthday thoughts and ramblings. 
    As my days count down I have been pondering the question "what's so important about a Birthday and why is it special to me." now I realize this sounds like some crackpot question your fourth grade teacher may ask, well I have a lot of time during the day to think about these kind of things so that's what you get. First off the there are a few special birthdays. your birthday where you are actually born, congrats you've made it this far. next is your First Birthday, good job you have avoided crib death and various other 1st year causes of death. then there is no real big birthday until you get to 10, Double digits now you can start feeling important like a teen, but the full effect of that doesn't happen until your 13th Birthday. Although 13 is considered by most an unlucky number its when you are first a teenager, you have survived your pre-teen years. after thirteen if you stay alive long enough and make it to sixteen you can drive, go get that license. your next big birthday is only for the guys out there, 18 at this point you can and will sign up for the draft otherwise risk imprisonment and some hefty fines. ladies luck out here. then you have to wait three more years until your next notable birthday, your 21st birthday, now you are allowed to do most anything you want legally. after this party you will probably need a few years until your next big birthday. luckily it won't be for another 19 years. you won't have another birthday of note until you are 40 and your friends will throw you a lame ass over the hill party or something with a whole lot of stupid decorations. at this point you should realizes that they parties aren't going to get much better than the ones when you were young. if you can hold on, and most of us live in first world nations so I assume you can, your next big day is going to be your 65th. you are now a senior citizen, congrats you may drive slow and throw on your blinker blocks in advance. being a senior also will get you those nice discounts at the movies and early bird specials at some buffet place. now this next one is going to be a toughie. at this point you are going to have to make it 35 years. That's right you are going to have Willard Scott reading your name on the Today Show if you can hold on and live a century. the big 100. good luck.

    Now, As I continue to age I see things changing all around me. for instance, I think its safe to say over the last few years I have outgrown the "SCENE." you know the music scene. I no longer feel comfortable at shows, to many kids with their wild and crazy t-shirt slogans. How can I feel comfortable standing next to a high schooler who is wearing a shirt that has a pot leaf on it. I mean really I am standing there embarrassed for the kid, his parents and his generation. This ambassador sums up what is wrong in America. and at this point of the rant I would like to point out that yes indeed I realize that I am now that old guy who doesn't understand kids. anyway as I age I try to remember and keep in mind my rambunctious youth of going to bed early and not really going out places. The only real thing I did that was in the slightest way rebellious was go to concerts and even I am saying "Comeon Buddy...." to that.  So perhaps my lack of sympathy and understanding of these crazy youths is a bit skewed. 

    Sometimes a show comes around that just makes you realize how much better you are than a majority of people.  Exacta mentioned a show that we can all feel superior when watching. the show that I am currently talking about is none other than MTV's Sorority Life.  This has to be one of the funniest shows on television, the problem is the humor I get out of this show is not the humor that was intended by MTV.  As I type this Sorority pledge just got dumped by her boyfriend and she is crying. now after seeing the way that these specimens act when given certain tasks it is difficult to feel bad for them at all. for example the was one episode where one was required to be a designated driver for the night. well what does she do. she sits and stares at a book for 3 minutes then has a pity party with her other pledges because she cant drink that night. so what happens? (everybody say it with me) they crack open the vodka. after she has some in her what happens she gets a call that she needs to pick up one of the drunk pledges. so what does she do, she lies her way out of her obligation.  They won't show any of the secret stuff that goes on in the sorority. so when they shut the door. from what I gather I assume that what happens is a giant lesbian sorority love fest, but because MTV couldn't get the cameras in I cant confirm the  suspicion. oh yeah, and they are always on cell phones.

I got the new Sparta Album today, (actually Brad picked it up from target for me while I was working like a sucka.) It rocks, pick it up champ.

The Rugby Bunch old navy commercial needs to stop, now.

Pimps up.

-Andrew

8.01.02 3:15 AM

SUPPORTING THE ENEMY ONE BELT LOOP AT A TIME.

Pic O' The Day: There's five different groups of notes on that post-it. Yeah, I suppose I could use a second note, but why? There's still room on that one. I'll find it. Let's see, there's a list of songs I wanted to download, a reminder to record something, my two best scores on pong, the time of a class that got changed, and some reminders for what I wanted to update on. Really important stuff, post-it worthy kinda things. Y'know, "post-it" is actually a trademarked phrase, but I'll be damned if I'm going to bother hunting down the symbol for a trademark. Or giving credit to those bastards at 3M. IF YOU KNOW HOW TO CLEAN A WHITE CARPET AND DON'T STRAIGHT-OUT TELL US, THEN FUCK YOU, 3M! FUCK YOU!

Local News: So, I got myself some pants. I know what you're thinking, 'Brad, what about your vehement No Pants stance?' Well, yes, I remain in that camp, but for the whole 'going into the outside world' thing, a guy needs pants. And, preferably, not clown, zebra, or MC Hammer pants. Though all would be cool. Especially Hammerpants. I mean, the guy (kinda) wrote "Can't Touch This," and what does the youth of today remember him for? Gigantic shiny pants. If you looked up 'injustice' in the dictionary, you'd probably see a definition. But if it were a picture dictionary, there'd be a photo of Hammer. So, anyway, I see on the label of the pants, "Made In Pakistan." I'm a little surprised, because I didn't really think they were in the pants manufacturing business. Well, other than their own pants. I've seen photos of those people wearing pants on the cnn.com, so I assume they must buy them somewhere. I really doubt they do phone orders from the Sears catalog. Then again, if they placed their order over the phone, they could probably speak Punjabi (most popular language spoken in Pakistan, at 48%...thanks CIA World Factbook!) to the dude taking their order and have a totally fluent conversation. You ever try talking to one of those guys? Like yelling at a cat. They just look at you, then lick their privates. Okay, so maybe it's a little different than that. Well, then again, maybe not...I've never been inside the phone offices of Sears. Now, I own these pants, which in some ass-backward way made some guy in Pakistan another six cents. While they are our political friends, just about nobody in that country likes us. In that sense, it's like most of Mexico and all of Europe. But what differentiates Pakistan from, say, Luxembourg, is the terrorism we've all heard Dubya tell us is bad, mmmkay? Since I usually change channels during commercials, I could be getting this wrong, but I think I heard some little kid one time saying that buying drugs from terrorists supports the PTA or Albertson's or something like that. So go buy some drugs, because maybe Albertson's will start stocking those chicken enchiladas I like again. Make me drive out to El Cajon for some of those things, bastards. Now, some Pakistani guy is six cents closer to building a dirty bomb or buying an Indian flag so he can burn it in the streets because I dun gone bought me some pants. Last time I do that! I should really stick to my principles, forget what "society" and "people" think. What have they done for me lately? The scary thing, is that these pants have been in a country I'll never be in. Is it possible to live vicariously through an inanimate object? Let me know.

Television News: Anna Nicole Smith. E! Television. Why? "It's not supposed to be funny, it just is." No, that was the Osbournes. Anna friggin Nicole Smith? They should have done "24/7 With The Youngest Daughter On Family Matters Who Mysteriously Disappeared After The Fifth Season." It would have been much more popular than this bag o' lame will be. Yeah, I know the name of the daughter, but just calling it "24/7 With The Youngest..." would make people tune in, thinking 'which one was she?' Then they'd see who it was, and keep watching. Why, you ask? Because that chick's in PORN now! Didn't see that one coming, didja? If I had to guess the person on that show that would have moved to porn, it would be Waldo Geraldo Faldo. He had a role much like Scott Baio's friend on 'Charles In Charge,' and that guy's high on Jesus now, so it's perfectly logical to see Waldo go the other direction. But Smith? She's off the blow now, so that show's gonna be a serious drag. It's not funny to see her shop for curtains. The beauty of 'The Osbournes' was the juxtaposition of a hard rock legend taking out the garbage, programming his remote, walking the dog, et cetera. But Anna, what's her major juxtaposition going to be? Forget about the actions to 'complete' the juxtaposition, no matter what they are, it's in comparison to fuck flicks and nude photo shoots. EVERYTHING is going to seem calmer, more normal. She could jump out of a plane, and you'd think 'hell, of course, that porn star's jumping out of a plane.' It'd be like 'Celebrity Fear Factor.' And while Jaimee Foxworthy, the disappearing daughter from 'Family Matters,' does porn, we'd know her as that little girl on the show. And from there, it'd be funny to watch her call her agent, sad as she's been turned down yet again for a legitimate role because of her now-seedy background. She'll turn to the camera, and say 'I'm ready to make the leap to more script-based roles, I think I have a lot of range, and I'm ready to show it for a producer, and more importantly, all my fans.' They'll show an exterior shot of her crappy one-bedroom apartment in the San Fernando Valley, which will give us a chance to laugh at her little monologue to the camera without missing anything she says. I'd watch, you'd watch, and six months from now people without cable in other countries would watch. There's only one thing that would make the Smith version of this show watchable, and that's to turn it into a drinking game.

Anna wears vinyl: 1 shot
Anna is the only person laughing in the room: 1 shot
Anna uses the phrase 'legitimate industry': 2 shots
Anna uses the word 'misconceptions': 2 shots
Anna falls: 3 shots
Anna spills a drink: 3 shots
Anna stops talking in the middle of a sentence to the camera: 3 shots
Anna stops talking in the middle of a sentence to another person: Kill the bottle.

E! Entertainment Television, indeed.

House News: Not only do I have a normal door now, instead of the complicated makeshift 'box in front of the door to keep it shut/on the hinges' system, but it no longer squeaks like a door in a haunted house. WD-40 should be worth more than gold. I even like how it smells, is that overly weird? Again, let me know. Also, despite drought conditions and requests by the state and city to conserve water, we're flooding the shit out of the front yard, and that fucker's growing great! We have green grass, so fuck you, Dick Murphy! Unfortunately, the half of the yard where the tree is is still dirt-covered, but that's what happens when the roots of the tree sit just under the surface and don't allow for grass to grow. We're either going to have to trim the roots, which could endanger the tree, or just lay a bed of sod over the whole area, and hope that takes. I doubt it will, but if a guy down at the Nurseryland can sucker $200 from my dad for new sod, I say more power to him.

Crime News: Pops got his new ride, a 2001 Chevy Tahoe, jacked from his lot at work, but the "fifty" got it back for him down by the border. Missing some shit like the grill guard, two folding chairs, and 3 cds. They ripped some wires inside to hotwire it, and busted up the keyhole on the driver's side. Had 3 hotel magazines, a valet parking stub, a hotel room key, and a cell phone left inside it. That's a fair tradeoff. The guy was arrested, and I think is still in jail. Pops is gonna try to sue the perp, assuming he a) is a U.S. citizen and b) remains in the country. As Dre suggested, pops should try to lobby to get the guy classified as a flight risk. That would be grand reciprocation. One way or another, my dad now owns The Club. He feels so modern and secure, it's amusing.

-b!

Now Playing: Dave Grohl & Taylor Hawkins - Baby Hold On (Live)

Quote Of The Day:
(My dad and I, after I told him I got pants today)
Dad: Did you spray 'em?
Me: What? Spray what?
Dad: The ants...isn't that what you said?
Me: (sigh) (walks into room) (brings out pants) PANTS, dad. Pants.
Dad: Oh, yeah. Don't spray those.
Me: Thanks, dad.

7.27.02   

Lets take a step back to a more innocent time when summer lasted forever and baseball cards were our stock market and Mc Donald's toys were bad ass. Here we have possibly the coolest line of Mc Donald's toys, the draw is that they look like they food.  Can it get anymore insane. the toy you get with your food looks like YOUR FOOD! anyway ill let you think about that for a minute..... Okay, I think we have all come to terms with such a insane Idea can can enjoy the gifts Mc Donald's has bestowed upon us. I remember when I was little my dad was a practical guy, only now do I see how right he was, he would always discourage me from getting the "Happy Meal." He would say that all we are doing is paying an extra 2 bucks for a toy we could buy for a quarter at the Swap Meet. so I would occasionally get the happy meal because my dad was a nice and good dad who liked to see me happy.  But for these treasures I had to go to the "Swap Meet."  At this point the fact that the toys are just small plastic food replicas has peaked your interest and you are saying "gee golly Andrew, its just plastic food, why are you so worked up about it?" Well my friend there is a little trick involved in these toys. in the mid to late eighties there was a trend that was sparked by a famous TV show, this trend TRANSFORMATION. Popularized by the cartoon and toy line Transformers. The great thing about the Transformers was that they were basically 2 toys in 1! you had say a F-14 Tomcat fighter jet and killer bad ass robot in the same package, because when a F-14 can't get the job done you need a back up plan. later there would be other kind of transformers and transformer rip-offs sometimes there would be animals transforming, dinosaurs, just about anything you can think of. so this leads us to the food transformers. From left to right we have. Hot Cakes and Sausage, Egg Mc Muffin, Cheese Burger with sesame seed bun, Cheese Burger, French Fries, Shake, Soft Serve Ice Cream.

    As you can see once the transformers are transformed all ideas about snacking on these sweet treats flew out the window. now aside from the two rather happy and girly looking transformers on the right this is a bad ass group of people.  Don't let their size fool you its rumored that these guys took down the infamous "Party Crew," another group that you don't want to meet in a dark alley. from what I can tell by the colors and behavior being displayed the Fry guy is the ring leader of this ragtag bunch. his super salt and meat flavoring make him a irresistible dish that the ladies go crazy for and the guys look up to. I think you can see the rage in the face of the Cheese Burger (with seeds), this is the muscle of the group, if you don't upsize your meal he's going to mess you up. (coincidentally Mc Donald's Cheese burgers mess me up on the inside all the time.) But wait what is this did we forget somebody?!?! look out guys here he comes the dissident of the group. M.C. Chicken Mc Nuggets.

     Defiant of mother nature and many of the "Green" interest groups we have the Chicken nuggets in the styrofoam container to keep fresh for many years to come. being one of the non biodegradable Mc Donald's toy Mc Nuggets will out last any foe. ousted from the crew in 1987 for his controversial views on welfare and abortion, Chicken Mc Nuggets began what was an un successful bid for President of the united states. while getting more votes than George Bush Sr. in the primaries the national party didn't feel that a Chicken product would be the future of the republican party. disillusioned with the political process in America, Chicken found himself moving overseas to assist the Mc Donald's corporation in their world domination. Today Chicken Mc Nugget can still be found working for Mickey D's in their anti-anti-globalization department.

That's about all for today. My computer still hates me so its difficult to update. please be patient.

- Andrew